Self-proclaimed “alpha male” and perennial candidate for “biggest doofus on Twitter” Nick Adams is out there shilling for his favorite restaurant again, this time by wringing his pearl necklace over a pregnant lady singing at the Super Bowl. Adams, despite his claim of being an “alpha male” — a long-discounted term implying dominance in a pack of animals — has made such a habit of whining and fretting over cultural issues online that many think he’s actually writing satire. But he’s sure good at getting Hooters trending.
For his hot take tweet on Super Bowl, LVII Adams dipped back into his favorite well — the reactions of the completely real and not made-up waitresses at Hooters, which is Adam’s own version of the other totally true and not fictional at all “I just left a hipster coffee shop” meme. Apparently, the waitresses at America’s favorite spot for mid-quality wings and casual objectification were simply outraged by Rihanna’s half-time performance (a performance many cared more about than the actual game).
No word on just what exactly was so “demonic” about it (and it was certainly no more objectifying than, say gazing at your Hooters waitress as she leaves to refill your Miller Lite draft) but apparently it was enough to incense the, once again not fictional, “staff”.
Adams went on to tweet, again, while in a totally real Hooters restaurant, that Rihanna needs Jesus. Rihanna, who regularly tweets Bible verses about her thankfulness to God and has donated literally millions of dollars to charity apparently needs the Lord. Interesting.
Adams then went on to bloviate about one of his few obsessions that come close to his love of Hooters: his love of poorly aging “rapper” and fellow Trump supporter Kid Rock. Apparently, no one appreciates Dr. Dre or Rihanna (who has sold 10 million more albums than KR) but everyone would vastly prefer Kid Rock whose biggest hit in the US, “All Summer Long,” hit number 23 on the charts in 2009.
Rihanna’s number-one hits in the US include “SOS” from A Girl like Me (2006); “Umbrella”, “Take a Bow”, and “Disturbia” from Good Girl Gone Bad (2007–2008); “Rude Boy” from Rated R (2010); “Only Girl (in the World)”, “What’s My Name”, and “S&M” from Loud (2010); “We Found Love” from Talk That Talk (2011); and “Diamonds” from Unapologetic (2012).
Here’s footage of Tom Holland dancing to “Umbrella” on Lip Sync Battle because dressing up as Rihanna and doing a back flip on a wet stage is more of a baller move than literally anything Nick Adams, a mediocre political hack, will accomplish in his life.
We hope the wings sales went up at least, Hooters, and if your waitresses have to deal with this man-baby on a regular basis they deserve a raise.