If we wish to live in a truly equitable and just society, society needs to meet people’s needs while being mindful of the larger context. This means, as in the case of this TikToker, you may encounter yourself in a situation that wouldn’t make a man blink but will make a female shudder.
As someone who’s had a delicate medical surgery done recently, despite my surgeon being a man – and let it be known an excellent doctor who did everything right – I can attest to the relief of knowing that, my anaesthesiologist was a woman, plus female nurses would be in the room. To undergo surgery is already stressful enough, everyone should be made to feel as safe as possible. This can include having a woman in the room where there would otherwise only be males.
There are good and bad doctors of both genders. That is not the issue. The issue, as this TikTok is an example of, is that women are often made to feel vulnerable when in situations where they are surrounded by men they are not acquainted with. And to know one will be asleep, can be an extra trigger for some, and this is something that ought to be universally respected.
No offense but
Lily, the TikToker in question, was faced with the exact situation detailed above, and she acted as quite a few women would: she panicked and begged for a female to be in the room. That is not a hard request, or at least it should not be. It is not like Lily demanded that only women operate on her, she simply did not want to feel that sense of dread that many women are made to feel when faced with these kinds of circumstances. Thankfully for Lily, a woman walked right in to help put her mind at ease and set her to sleep.
In the comments, some women commented how they got a husband stitch – an extra stitch given after birth which is said to make sex more pleasurable for men but more painful for women – for without their consent.
One of the top comments, relayed their full support: “Don’t be sorry. I too was panicking until my nurse comforted me and said she would be there the entire time she even held my hand when they sedated me because I was so scared.”
Some users have shared other bad experiences they’ve had with male doctors – needless to reiterate, this does not reflect on all doctors who are men. But once in a while, there comes a man, a supposed professional, who has none of the doctor instincts he should have towards a woman, which can largely be due to some manner of unconscious gendered bias.
Therefore, while it might be hard to understand for some, these anxieties, embedded still in the social fabric of our society, should be respected and addressed with care, not disregard or scorn. Rather than all-too-quickly dismissing these concerns as “sexist”, perhaps we ought to keep an open line of dialogue so fruitful resolutions can be achieved with mutual help.