It’s coming up to February and love (might) be stirring in the air, in little pockets of dreamy eyes and warm smiles. Some people might (worryingly) fall for inanimate objects, imaginary men and women, kitchen utensils, or even videogame characters. Yeah traditionally we’re supposed to catch the eye of another ummm…person, but oh well life’s a strange thing. Alternatively, to spare the gaming world any embarrassment we could take a look at which videogame heroines and heroes would be the perfect match for each other.
Some of these just seem SO obvious it’s hilarious. But just think if the publishers did allow these pixelated marriages. Here are my ideas so far:
Nathan Drake and Lara Croft
The crap that these two get up to in their respective games is so similar it’s a surprise they haven’t just ‘stumbled across each other deep inside an ancient tomb by candlelight’. Drake and Lara would no doubt be the perfect match in terms of treasure hunting, physical buff-ness, (I feel weird even just writing that), and their familiarity with firearms and puzzles. Here comes the bride….all dressed in….wait what?….blood and sweat?
Bayonetta and Dante
I don’t even want to imagine how they might ‘entertain’ each other, but this is probably the second most obvious pairing in videogames. Dante is a demon slaying badass who sports uber-cool jackets, Bayonetta is a merciless and foxy man-eater, and they’ve both name their guns. Perfect right? Not to mention the fact that Bayonetta basically adopted and perfumed up the Devil May Cry model, plus Dante sold games, Bayonetta didn’t really. They complete each other.
Ezio and Faith
Those of you who were cunning enough to buy Mirror’s Edge will immediately see why these two would make each other happy. Even if Ezio got too old and gave up his days of scrambling across rooftops and diving into haystacks, I’m pretty sure the lovely Faith would love him just for his manly beard. What other couple could feasibly propose in mid air ? Also worth noting that Assassin’s Creed and Mirror’s Edge both overindulge in white colour tones.
Samus Aran And Sam Gideon
Wow nearly even share the same first name…love at first…erm…sight…surely *cough*. The hero from Vanquish might not have as an impressive game history a Metroid’s lead lady, and he doesn’t like bright colours, but they both own a futuristic battle suit of drool-worthy-awesome-ness. Hugging might not be the same with that clunky armour on but hey, they have to start somewhere.
Kratos and Mileena
No one would turn up to the wedding for fear of death and/or a whole range of atrocious tortures, but in a disturbing and sick kind of way they MIGHT just get along…might…assuming they didn’t rip each other’s heads off first. Can you IMAGINE Mortal Kombat’s craziest and most scantily dressed fighters and Mount Olympus’ most angry bald man on a first date? “that man isn’t bothering you is he Miss Mileena?” *stab*.
Chuck Greene and Jill Valentine
These two seem to have a knack for mutilating the undead (essential life skill you know…like driving), despite difficult circumstances. I’m sure Miss Valentine would appreciate Chuck’s ‘DIY’ skills…”that’s a lovely chainsaw-broomstick honey..”. Both survivor’s, both debatable fashion senses, and both accustomed to be covered in zombies brains.
That’s all I can think of for now, but if you have any other perfect matches in mind, then feel free to post a comment. As for the children they’d produce…well…
To be continued…