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7 Games That Tried, And Failed, To Make You Cry Man-Tears

Storyline! Yeah, that's an important part of videogames these days. It may be something that's been lauded by gamers since the days of Zork, but only fairly recently has it become so in vogue. As a general rule, the cycle goes: experiences wanted by players from games of old > indie games do it > becomes cool > triple-A developers do it > becomes uncool, and around again. And it makes sense in a vague kind of way. Big budget development teams don't want to waste money experimenting with something new if people won't buy it. They're a business after all. Let the bedroom devs take the plunge, they've got nothing to lose. If it works, then copy them.

4) Resident Evil 6 – Piers Pushes Chris Over

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But it’s not just a push, it’s a push of self sacrifice. Which makes it sad, I guess. Especially for Chris, who has known him all of one game. In fact, Piers is relentlessly sacrificing his various body parts (and subsequent plans to start a family) throughout the game. He even injects himself with the dreaded T-Virus after woodenly exclaiming that he “did it for the BSAA… for the future!”

Now, I’m not suggesting for one second that the Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance wouldn’t be grateful that he pumped himself full of mutant, but it does seem a little daft in the grand scheme of things. And, as every person playing saw a mile off, it ended in tragedy.

But did the year’s most beautiful bromance leave you wiping tears from your eyes? No, it didn’t – unless you were thinking about all the money you spent on this game. Did it make you feel anything at all, now that I think about it? In the 30 seconds of dialogue before Piers’ demise, Chris says the name “Piers” about 900 times, as if forcing us to remind ourselves to feel something for the guy we only met 7 hours ago. There’s even the over-done classic of a screaming name-fade as his escape pod is fired away over swelling orchestral music. “PIIIIIEEEEERRRRRSSSSSsssss!” he yells at his fated comrade. “THIS SUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKSSSSSssss,” we yell at the television.