And now, some history: On July 21, 1798, Napoleon Bonaparte pointed at some pyramids.
It was probably a cool moment once you put aside the imperialism and the smell of 20,000 French soldiers marching through a desert in wool pants. “40 centuries look down upon you,” Napoleon shouted, gesturing at the world’s most instantly recognizable triangles with dead guys inside them. Later that day, he led his men to war in what historians would remember as the Battle of the Pyramids.
Historians are dramatic, though. The “Battle of the Pyramids,” which was named by Napoleon in a characteristic fit of awesome self-publicity, was actually fought the better part of 10 miles from the Great Pyramid of Giza, nowhere near close enough for the French soldiers to loose cannons into the sides of the monuments as depicted in Ridley Scott’s Napoleon. For his part, Scott could give a very large hat about the film’s historical accuracy.
While we’re here, we might as well nip another misconception in the bud: Napoleon didn’t shoot the nose of the Sphinx. Giant stone noses are just really hard to keep on your face after the first few thousand years. Also, according to the Smithsonian, a guy in the 1300s knocked that schnoz down when he saw people praying to the statue for water – that might or might not be the case. Just be glad historians didn’t call the act of vandalism “The Battle of the Sinus” or something.
That said, Napoleon did enjoy the pyramids while he was visiting. Napoleon expert Shannon Selin writes that he had his troops race to the top of one, promising that the winner would get – well, nothing. The winner didn’t get anything. Man, people were bored back then.
Anyway, there you have it. Napoleon didn’t shoot the pyramids with a cannon. In the future, if you’re wondering if someone shot something with a cannon, a helpful mnemonic tool is to look for giant, cannonball-sized holes in the thing and, if there aren’t any, assume the best.