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How To Fake Being An Expert On The 9 Movies That Matter At This Year’s Oscars

It’s that time of year again, when movies that got released months ago undertake a marketing blitz, media prognosticators come out of the woodwork, and the mound of sloughing flesh once known as Billy Crystal checks its shadow, to see whether or not it needs to rent a tux. Yes, it’s the final countdown to the 85th annual Academy Awards, AKA the Oscars. It's Hollywood’s biggest night. Our eyes will be locked on the stars, and theirs will be gazing at the industry’s collective navel. The winners walk home with golden doorstops; the losers take comfort in knowing that the same demographic doing the voting is also responsible for letting a spin-off, of a spin-off, of a spin-off of JAG become an actual thing.

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And now, here are my picks for who’s going to win at the 85th Academy Awards. For the record, I went 19 for 24 two years ago, and 14 for 24 last year, so at least you know you just read 6500 words from a guy who knows at least a little bit about how these things shakeout. Enjoy the show, and remember: the only losers of the evening are those who actually take the Oscars seriously in the first place. I love the show to death, but if it can’t even pick a consistent number of Best Picture nominees to have each year, why should I listen to which of them they think is the best?

(First choice for winner bolded, second choice italicized)

Best Picture

  • Argo
  • Amour
  • Beasts of the Southern Wild
  • Django Unchained
  • Les Misérables
  • Life of Pi
  • Lincoln
  • Silver Linings Playbook
  • Zero Dark Thirty

Best Actor

  • Daniel Day Lewis (Lincoln)
  • Denzel Washington (Flight)
  • Hugh Jackman (Les Misérables)
  • Bradley Cooper (Silver Linings Playbook)
  • Joaquin Phoenix (The Master)

Best Actress

  • Naomi Watts (The Impossible)
  • Jessica Chastain (Zero Dark Thirty)
  • Jennifer Lawrence (Silver Linings Playbook)
  • Emmanuelle Riva (Amour)
  • Quvenzhane Wallis (Beasts of the Southern Wild)

Best Supporting Actress

  • Sally Fields (Lincoln)
  • Anne Hathaway (Les Misérables)
  • Jackie Weaver (Silver Linings Playbook)
  • Helen Hunt (The Sessions)
  • Amy Adams (The Master)

Best Supporting Actor

  • Christoph Waltz (Django Unchained)
  • Philip Seymour Hoffman (The Master)
  • Robert De Niro (Silver Linings Playbook)
  • Alan Arkin (Argo)
  • Tommy Lee Jones (Lincoln)

Best Director

  • David O. Russell (Silver Linings Playbook)
  • Ang Lee (Life of Pi)
  • Steven Spielberg (Lincoln)
  • Michael Haneke (Amour)
  • Benh Zeitlin (Beasts of the Southern Wild)

Best Foreign Language Film

  • Amour (Austria)
  • No (Chile)
  • War Witch (Canada)
  • A Royal Affair (Denmark)
  • Kon Tiki (Norway)

Best Original Screenplay

  • John Gatins (Flight)
  • Mark Boal (Zero Dark Thirty)
  • Quentin Tarantino (Django Unchained)
  • Michael Haneke (Amour)
  • Wes Anderson & Roman Coppola (Moonrise Kingdom)

Best Adapted Screenplay

  • Lucy Alibar and Benh Zeitland (Beasts of the Southern Wild)
  • Chris Terrio (Argo)
  • Tony Kushner (Lincoln)
  • David O. Russell (Silver Linings Playbook)
  • David Magee (Life of Pi)

Best Animated Feature

  • Frankenweenie
  • The Pirates!: Band of Misfits
  • Wreck-It Ralph
  • ParaNorman
  • Brave 

Best Original Song

  • “Before My Time” from Chasing Ice Music and Lyrics by J. Ralph
  • “Pi’s Lullaby” from Life of Pi Music by Mychael Danna; Lyrics by Bombay Jayashri
  • “Suddenly” from Les Misérables Music by Claude-Michel Schönberg; Lyrics by Herbert Kretzmer and Alain Boublil
  • “Everybody Needs A Best Friend” from Ted Music by Walter Murphy; Lyrics by Seth MacFarlane
  • “Skyfall” from Skyfall Music and Lyric by Adele Adkins and Paul Epworth

Best Original Score

  • Dario Marianelli (Anna Karenina)
  • Alexandre Desplat (Argo)
  • Mychael Danna (Life of Pi)
  • John Williams (Lincoln)
  • Thomas Newman (Skyfall)

Best Cinematography

  • Seamus McGarvey (Anna Karenina)
  • Robert Richardson (Django Unchained)
  • Claudio Miranda (Life of Pi)
  • Janusz Kaminski (Lincoln)
  • Roger Deakins (Skyfall)

Best Documentary (Feature)

  • 5 Broken Cameras
  • The Gatekeepers
  • How to Survive a Plague
  • The Invisible War
  • Searching for Sugar Man

Best Documentary (Short)

  • Inocente
  • Kings Point
  • Mondays at Racine
  • Open Heart
  • Redemption

Best Short Film (Live Action)

  • Asad
  • Buzkashi Boys
  • Curfew
  • Death of a Shadow (Dood van een Schaduw)
  • Henry

Best Short Film (Animated)

  • Adam and Dog
  • Fresh Guacamole
  • Head Over Heels
  • Maggie Simpson in “The Longest Daycare”
  • Paperman

Best Editing

  • William Goldenberg (Argo)
  • Tim Squyres (Life of Pi)
  • Michael Kahn (Lincoln)
  • Jay Cassidy and Crispin Struthers (Silver Linings Playbook)
  • Dylan Tichenor and William Goldenberg (Zero Dark Thirty) 

Best Visual Effects

  • The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
  • Life of Pi
  • Marvel’s The Avengers
  • Prometheus
  • Snow White and the Huntsman

Best Production Design

  • Anna Karenina
  • The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
  • Les Misérables
  • Life of Pi
  • Lincoln

Best Costume Design

  • Anna Karenina
  • Les Misérables
  • Lincoln
  • Mirror Mirror
  • Snow White and the Huntsman

Best Makeup and Hairstyling

  • Les Misérables
  • The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
  • Hitchcock 

Best Sound Editing

  • Argo
  • Django Unchained
  • Life of Pi
  • Skyfall
  • Zero Dark Thirty 

Best Sound Mixing

  • Argo
  • Les Misérables
  • Life of Pi
  • Lincoln
  • Skyfall
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