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Holy Sh…ark! The 13 Worst Horror Movies Of 2014

Every year I joke about how quickly time passes, as I can still vividly remember exclaiming how Dracula 3D would undoubtedly be the worst horror film I'd see in ages, but here we are at the end of 2014, agonizing over what could be one of the worst year-end recaps I've had to write since joining We Got This Covered. There were some very good horror movies released this year, but where I only awarded a single 1-star review last year, 2014 saw three in the horror genre alone. Seriously. Dracula 3D was last year's stinkiest turd sandwich, but this year offered three different efforts that left me begging for salvation.

2) Jersey Shore Massacre

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Being a Jersey native, you’d think a horror movie containing graphic death sequences involving obnoxiously over-tanned guidos and guidettes would bring nothing but joy, but in the case of Jersey Shore Massacre, you couldn’t be more incorrect. Exploiting the world’s most unrewarding brand, a group of MTV look-a-likes are shipped off to the shores of New Jersey for a weekend of grenade-dodging and GTL sessions – until ending up in a house that’s far from any clubs or beaches. Yup, a Jersey Shore Massacre that doesn’t even take place on the shore. Smashing.

While I do admit there’s a huge potential for fun if the characters were killed in ways that related to the shore – run over by a roller coaster, murdered in a club, head stuck in a vat of concession-stand-oil – nothing about Jersey Shore Massacre makes use of the stereotypes surrounding it. The characters look the part, and they constantly crave chicken parm like any marinara-blooded Italian would, but the entire film only amounts to hateful dialogue, dismissive ideas, ATROCIOUS acting, and an aggressively bad attitude. Someone poops in the Jersey shore for NO REASON – do I need to say anything else?

Produced by Jennifer “JWOWW” Farley, here’s the nicest thing I could say about the film from the original review:

Imagine the cast of MTV’s Jersey Shore stuck in a slasher movie – but then remove any bits of entertainment, intelligence or respectful execution you might assume would be present. Who pulled the pin on this grenade?