11) The Bag Man
How the mighty have fallen. That Robert De Niro’s name is attached to this no-good, terrible, very bad excuse for a thriller is funnier than anything in That Awkward Moment. Luckily, the esteemed actor gets off more lightly than John Cusack, whom director David Grovic holds hostage in front of the camera for nearly the entire 108-minute run time.
Cusack plays a thug tasked with guarding an all-important bag – but not looking inside it – by De Niro’s mob boss. With people coming after the bag, the thug takes refuge at a seedy motel, where he crosses paths with a prostitute (Rebecca De Costa) and an array of nasty characters. As a film, the best I can say about The Bag Man is that it just about makes sense. Outside of that meager qualification, though, it’s a draining, dreary disaster.
From Cusack’s sleepy lead performance to an atrociously dumb script and unsightly direction, The Bag Man fails on all counts. Luckily, with so many other thrillers bobbing around in the bargain bin, the chances that you’ll accidentally find yourself watching it are slim. But make damn sure – follow my lead and banish Cusack from your list of approved action leads.