Continuing his reign as the champion of the lowest common denominator, human catchphrase Larry the Cable Guy is set to “git r done” in a straight-to-video sequel to the 1996 film Jingle All the Way.
The original starred Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad as two rivals fighting to get their kid the last of a much-sought-after Christmas toy, probably only to learn the real meaning of the holiday by the end of the film. I haven’t actually seen it; that’s just a hunch. No plot details have been given about the new film, but it is set to co-star WWE’s Santino Marella, who might be someone you know if you’re into watching two oiled-up guys rassle around while pretending to hate each other’s guts.
What are the odds that the sequel will rehash the plot of the first film, once again following two fathers who need to learn a thing or two about the spirit of giving as they try to outwit each other to get their respective children a shiny new MacGuffin for Christmas? Pretty good, if the history of terrible direct-to-video sequels is any indication. If the makers of this turgid holiday cash-in have any sense, though, they’ll have Marella’s character pummelling Larry the Cable Guy’s character into the ground as he yells, “Who’s gettin’ r done now, you ridiculous stereotype?” It’s a rhetorical question, though, as the erstwhile installer of cable is too murdered to answer.
The as-of-yet-unnamed sequel to Jingle All the Way–may we suggest Jingle All the Way 2: Jingle Harder?–will be directed by Alex Zamm, who previously directed Larry the Cable Guy in another direct-to-video gem called Tooth Fairy 2. If you want to see it in order to bone up on your understanding of this surely underrated auteur, you can probably find a copy of that film in your local gas station’s bargain bin. Just cross your fingers and hope it’s not the last copy, though, so you don’t have to learn a valuable lesson by fighting someone for it.