The 6 Most Disappointing Movies Of 2014

Here is the biggest problem with movies nowadays: trailers and hype. With the internet always aflutter about what the next big film will be, and studios ramming ads down your throat constantly both consciously and subconsciously, it is hard not to get swept up in the excitement about a particular movie, especially when it seems that mainstream media is really pushing the agenda of that movie on the masses. The problem seems to lie in the fact that over the last decade or so, movie studios have clearly only really backed one kind of film: the blockbuster. What this means is, as audiences, we often get duped into seeing lacklustre films because we were manipulated and pulled in by the draw of big stars and the appeal of (often awesome) trailers. So, what movies from 2014 were the most over-hyped and ultimately ended up being disappointments? Well, a great deal of them, actually. But seeing as to how I am a jaded, cynical prick, I had to do my best to narrow this list down to just six, even though it could have been much longer. Let's begin, shall we? The Amazing Spider-Man 2 I will start this entry off by saying that how the filmmakers handled the Gwen Stacy incident here was brilliant, and that is such a shame, because most of the other stuff around that moment was just horrible. The major problem with The Amazing Spider-Man 2 was that it wanted to be everything to everyone. It tried to be a love story, a snarky comedy, an action film, a family drama and a summer blockbuster, and in the end, it just felt like a contrived mess that threw far too much at us (which is a lesson they should have fucking learned from Sam Raimi's Spider-Man 3). Also, can we all agree that Jamie Foxx was just awful as Electro? You watch him as the meekish nerd and CAN NOT believe this is the same guy who played Ray Charles so convincingly. It's by far his worst performance, at least in this writer's opinion. As far as movies from 2014 go in terms of being over-hyped and massively underwhelming, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 kind of tops the list (even though the list is in no particular order). Annabelle Hey, remember that movie The Conjuring? Remember how it was pretty creepy and based on a true story? Do you also remember how the intro sequence to the film featured the possessed doll, Annabelle? It worked really well with the movie because director James Wan delegated the possessed doll to five minutes of screen time. Why did he do that? Because if you take even ten seconds longer than that to think about a possessed doll rationally, you realize that there is nothing scary about it (unless you are a child). Even the Child's Play movies, as fun as they are, are still just that. Fun. Not scary. So, imagine how well it worked when the people who made The Conjuring thought they might be able to get lightning to strike twice by making a sort of prequel to the original that focused solely on the possessed doll? I'll tell you: It didn't work, that is how well it worked. Keep in mind that even going into this, I had the sinking feeling that Annabelle might suck. Still, I tried walking into it with high hopes and gave it the benefit of the doubt. To be honest, it was sort of a fluke that the first movie even worked. It had many elements we had seen before, but somehow, it all clicked. The same cannot be said for the cliche fest that was Annabelle, however. So, what was so bad about it? Everything, really. The story was dull, the doll wasn't scary, the acting was as lifeless as the scares, and the film tried to leave it all open ended, even though we know the "real doll" is locked away and blah blah blah. Listen, dolls are kind of scary by themselves. Horror has known and used this for years. The problem is, we are at a point in horror where it has all been done before, and done better. You want to watch some "scary doll" movies that actually work? See Magic with Anthony Hopkins, or see the 90's cult classic, Pin. Just trust me. Those are some scary ass dolls. Annabelle, on the other hand, could have been played by Kristen Stewart and I would not have noticed. THAT is how wooden this film is. Not just the doll. The whole fucking film. 300: Rise of an Empire While I almost wanted to put Sin City: A Dame To Kill For here, 300: Rise of an Empire beat it out because at least A Dame to Kill For came and went pretty quickly. Empire, however, stuck around for a bit. It honestly felt like torture watching this movie. Yes, I know torture isn't funny, but neither are shitty movies. I gave 300: Rise of an Empire a shot because I loved the original 300 and Zack Snyder was back in a producing capacity. Little did I know, though, that it would end up being a....honestly, I don't even remember. I recall a lot of boats and yelling, but literally nothing else about this film. Yes, that might be because I was high when I saw it, but I am high 98% of the time, so I doubt that matters. I think this is just a case of an over-hyped movie that ended up being bland as porridge. Transcendence Of all the movies from 2014 on this list, Transcendence seemed to have the most potential to be the one that would wow people with a thought-provoking story, a strong cast and some heavy themes about where we may be heading, technologically speaking. What we ended up getting, however, was a dull movie that brought nothing new to the table and further convinced me that Johnny Depp got his talent sucked out of him years ago. I'm not sure how or why it happened, but The Lone Ranger, Tusk (an otherwise great film ruined by Depp) and now this? Really, Johnny? But seriously, though, Transcendence is just another shitty movie that looked like it might be interesting and ended up being cliche. I really think that Depp may need to be a little more selective with his forthcoming roles, lest we lose all respect for the spectacular career he has built up to this point. Maleficent Oh Disney, what on Earth were you thinking here? You take what may be one of your greatest villains of all-time and you ret-con her into a good guy? Don't get me wrong, I know this was Disney trying to cash in on the fame of Wicked, and I know that Jolie LOOKED amazing in the role, but outside of that, the film is a jarring act of redirection from the first Cinderella. This movie essentially says, "Hey, what we told you last time? Yeah, that wasn't true." That is like remaking Pinocchio but forgetting to tell us Gepetto was a pedophile until 60 years later. It's just stupid, pointless, and makes us not trust the House of Mouse. Add to the fact that the trailer made the movie look fantastic, and you have the perfect recipe for an over-hyped and utterly disappointing film. Juno Temple, Shartlo Copley, and Angelina Jolie all deserve better than this. You know how Disney claims they have that vault where they store movies? Well, how about they lock this beast down in there forever and we just pretend it never happened? Sound good? A Million Ways To Die In The West I, for one, was fairly excited when I heard that Seth MacFarlane was going to try his hand at a Blazing Saddles-esque, R-rated western comedy. I thought that Ted was a really fun ride, and the old west was just ripe for parody and satire, yet so few touch it. Do you wanna know why so few touch it? Watch this movie and it becomes clear. Blazing Saddles mastered this genre, and anything else just ends up feeling like a bad imitation that is trying too hard. While I will admit that A Million Ways To Die In The West has some genuinely funny bits, they are so infrequent that you walk away from the film feeling that it was unremarkable. Honestly, I think this movie would have worked a thousand times better had MacFarlane forgone his massive ego and hired another actor for the role. Had he put the right person in his role (Sam Rockwell, perhaps), it could have been divine. The problem was, we all KNEW we were watching MacFarlane. That, matched up with some fairly flat writing and a few gross out jokes just led to this film being way over-hyped and far too unfunny. Maybe if there was a stuffed bear in it smoking a bong it would've worked better. Who knows?