Nato – Paranormal Activity
I’ll admit seeing the first Paranormal Activity in theaters was one of the scariest experiences I’d had in a long while, but that still doesn’t mean the entire freaking situation was avoidable. Don’t get me wrong, Katie was fucked from the beginning, there was no saving her. But Micah? As much as he deserved his horrible fate for being an utter moron, that man could have walked out unharmed if he wanted to.
For those that haven’t seen this low-budget sensation, the story revolves around a girl who is haunted by a demon that won’t let her go. When she moves in with her boyfriend Micah, the couple being to notice strange occurrences, and Micah sets up a camera surveillance system to track what could be happening. Of course it ends up being a demon, and as things get worse and worse, Micah is willing to try anything to free his girlfriend Katie.
So what does Micah do wrong? Everything. Ugh, every, single, thing. The specialist says the demon is attracted to negative energy? Micah fights with Katie. The couple is told not to acknowledge it and invite it in their home? Micah sets up cameras for 24/7 coverage and randomly shouts insults at it. Micah is told not to try and make contact? He takes out a Ouija board so he can play games with it. It’s a good thing they brought in someone who knows how to handle these situations, am I right?
Alright, so you may be asking how I would have done things differently. How would I have saved my girlfriend from the clutches of an evil demon (and let’s not even go into the mythology Paranormal Activity 2, 3, and 4 bring up)? Um, I wouldn’t. Sorry babe, I love you and all, but, um, I didn’t sign up to fight evil forces and shit. I get chivalry and loving someone so much you’d literally do anything for them – but did anyone ever say that had to include exorcisms and ghostbusting? Old schoolers like Shakespeare wrote about challenging honor and others for love, not malevolent forces we can’t possibly understand. Not to be a dick or anything, but you can take your murderous sidekick and leave my house immediately. A monster-in-law I can handle, but cultist shit and demons are a whole other story, and a secret no one should keep from a person they’re about to live with.
Baggage is one thing, but killer baggage is where I draw the line with my love interests.