To try and describe just how bad Dolittle really is, you have to imagine a world in which the original cut of the movie was unleashed upon an unsuspecting public.
Bear in mind, we’re talking about a $175 million blockbuster that underwent weeks of extensive reshoots that roped in some big names to desperately try and polish what everyone knew was going to be a colossal turd, which promptly went on to bomb at the box office, get torn apart by critics, and be ignored by audiences. And that was after they “fixed” it.
Who was involved in these reshoots, you may ask? Michael Bay’s protege and Battle: Los Angeles director Jonathan Liebesman, The LEGO Batman Movie and The Tomorrow War‘s Chris McKay, Neighbors co-writer Brendan O’Brien, and even Seth Rogen, of all people, who compared his contributions to a scam, which is hardly encouraging.
And what did the Dolittle brain trust come up with in an attempt to salvage the third act? They had a duck voiced by Academy Award winner Octavia Spencer hand a leek to two-time nominee Robert Downey Jr. so he could shove it up a dragon’s ass to perform a colonoscopy and save the day. Yay for cinema!
Despite being so shockingly awful that you’ll find yourself questioning your life choices repeatedly throughout the 101-minute running time, Dolittle has jumped no less than 70 goddamned places on the Netflix most-watched list since yesterday, as per FlixPatrol. This is why we, as a society, have failed.