Netflix’s internal metrics give them precise insight into what their audience want. The result? A plague of mediocre, generic and downright ugly trash movies. Why bother taking risks when you can simply squirt out some action-comedy slop starring Ryan Reynolds and/or Dwayne Johnson and call it a day? So it’s miraculous that they’ve funded the Rebel Moon director’s cuts, a kinky and bloodsoaked six-and-a-half hour(!) sci-fi epic that sees Zack Snyder Zack Snydering harder than he ever has before.
Who on earth could this distended and unwieldy release appeal to? *Eagerly raises hand* Me! Me! Just hook it to my veins!
Snyder has an unfortunate history of lesser theatrical cuts followed by improved director’s cuts and the initial releases of Rebel Moon lived up to that reputation, notably skeletal movies with characters whose motivations were quickly skated past in favor of more action. They felt like feature-length trailers, and any dedicated Snyderhead knew the eventual extended versions would be the real deal.
In the director’s cut, the Seven Samurai core of Rebel Moon remains intact: a peaceful village is being threatened by the fascist galactic Imperium and must recruit several skilled warriors to aid them in a futile act of resistance. The plot is boilerplate, but the rest is as out there as you’re going to get in a mainstream movie.
There’s a dramatic assassination scene scored by a diegetic sci-fi string quartet hanging out in the background, who improvise their music as the betrayals pile up. We’re treated to a ludicrously extended folk music montage that painstakingly details every aspect of a grain harvest. We learn that the engine of the giant starship is a magic giant in bondage with glowing eyes fed on a diet of charred corpses that cries cosmic tears composed of tiny galaxies and psychedelically pleads for her sisters to be saved.
And then there’s the sex. The contemporary Hollywood landscape leans Puritan, so it’s refreshing to see sex scenes that don’t modestly cut away at the earliest opportunity. Snyder is also happy to let his freak flag fly, as proven by the unforgettable scene where the villainous Admiral Noble engages in tentacle sex with a squid monster in front of his perplexed second-in-command, culminating in the eye-popping visual of a space Nazi deep-throating a particularly chunky and slimy tentacle. Is this scene strictly necessary? No. Does it make the film better? Hell yes!
The director’s cut also cranks up the volume on the violence. The majority of the action sequences involve sci-fi laser guns, but while Star Wars blasters leave a discrete PG-rated cauterized mark, Rebel Moon‘s weapons send gooey buckets of blood spraying across the scene, delivered a deliciously graphic *splort* array of sound effects. Snyder’s love of slow motion means the combat descends into pornographic levels of violence, with wide angle slow motion shots a tapestry of flying red beams colliding with squishy human blood bags and kabooming into glistening wet explosions.
This blood and sex cocktail isn’t remotely highbrow and, in the hands of most directors, would feel like a teenage boy’s fantasy. But, as also seen in Snyder’s DC work, he approaches his story and characters with disarming (and unfashionable) sincerity, refusing to fend off criticism with an ironic distance. All too often in modern action cinema (Star Wars and the MCU I’m looking at you) moments of high emotion will be immediately undercut by a quip, reassuring the audience that they don’t need to feel too much.
Snyder puts it all out there: encouraging theatrical performance with exaggerated emoting that dips into the operatic. Individual mileage on this all-caps ACTING will vary according to taste, but this is a talented cast and they’re clearly having a blast. Djimon Housou’s Titus is an obvious stand-out, launching himself into fights as if actively hunting for a suicidal last stand. Bae Doona’s Nemesis is a skilled and grieving assassin with empathy as finely honed as her red-hot blades. And Ed Skrein knocks it out of the park as the skeletal villain Atticus Noble, with the menace cranked up to 11 at all times.
We also get Anthony Hopkins as the the voice of Jimmy, an ancient pacifist robot reconnecting with nature and his sense of honor. Hopkins is so good at giving generic dialogue gravitas it’s practically cheating to hire him for a role like this, but his Terence Malick-y scenes as he looks at bugs and ponders reality are gripping thanks solely to him.
The only real weak link is the score, which is far from Tom Holkenborg’s best. Theoretically Holkenborg’s work on Mad Max: Fury Road and Furiosa should have made him an ideal fit for this world of smoke-belching military mechs and cosmic space giants, but the end result is forgettable and bland. Most of these scenes already look like heavy metal albums, break out the guitars already!
Snyder’s deliberate unsubtlety also means Rebel Moon is light on thematic depth. Plucky underdogs banding together to battle an almighty foe is very familiar territory, and leads to a familiar message of charity and kindness triumphing over cruelty. But, ultimately, this is a movie about killing Space Nazis and there’s clearly no inclination or desire to get into more complex territory.
Perhaps inevitably, Rebel Moon ends teasing sequels and even at six hours long this is still about a single battle, with the Imperium still clutching the universe in its iron fist as the credits roll. Whether those sequels will get made is anyone’s guess, but even after six hours of unadulterated Snyder I would have leapt straight into Rebel Moon 3 if it were available.
By now most people have made their minds up about Snyder and only die-hards will be queuing up for this six hours plus epic. But, if you hate the onslaught of algorithmically generated sludge content and miss the days when auteur directors were given the budget to make something weird and unique, then Rebel Moon is right here waiting for you. Ignore the haters. They are wrong. Rebel Moon kicks ass.