7) Timmy ‘Effin Miller
Can we give Deadpool‘s fearless leader a pat on the back, or a much deserved Peppermint Fatty? Sure, every other director I asked turned the gig down, including that dude who makes those funny parody porn videos I like, but who knew Miller had such a…where’s my thesaurus…PRODIGIOUS vision trapped inside.
My blood-stained wood floors couldn’t survive another shitty Deadpool replication, but Miller saved me a few bullets and hours of angry regenerations. IMDB.com tells me that Tim Miller has never directed an actual movie before (DETECTIVE DEADPOOL!), because short films don’t count, but despite having absolutely no experience, this dude kicked it through the uprights from 70 yards out. IT’S UP, IT’S BLOODY, IT’S GOOD!
Thing is, Deadpool doesn’t rock n’ roll just because I rain bullets down on generic thugs and produce human slices of Swiss cheese. Miller shows my sensitive side, including my over-exaggerated studliness in the bedroom (DAMN YOU USELESS DELETE BUTTON), and makes it all about saving my sweet, smokin’ chica from certain doom.
I’ve got a beating, loving heart you know – I’m not 100% Parental Advisory Warning badassery. Let’s see. I love Death! I love the X-Team’s Blackbird. I love being a dick to Cable. I love long walks on the beach after decapitating no less than 7 henchmen. I love finding two gummy bears stuck together so it makes one really big mutant gummy bear! Oh! When you sit on your hand, waiting until it goes numb, then you OH FINE. Shut up Donato, and your stupid rule of overkill. Fucking writer drama queens.
Anyway, Miller explores the many faces of Deapool – killer, savior, lover, sexual Tyrannosaurus, super-great roomate, Croc enthusiast, acrobatic assassin, underdog, Freddy Krueger look-a-like…the list goes on. I’ve got a message right here for all the haters out there saying Deadpool is nothing but childish, crude stupidity.
…I was holding out one middle finger. And making a jerk-off motion with my other hand. Just to confirm. Assholes.