In just a few days, we will all learn who the “no sex for you,” bachelor, Zach Shallcross, chooses as his fiancée. Will it be Miss Kaity or Miss Gabi? Either way, for the chosen one, it could be a great… misfortune.
Zach is only 26, and throughout this season of The Bachelor he has definitely shown a subtle immaturity that manages to surface at the worst possible times and in the sneakiest, most wince-inducing ways.
His cringeworthiness likely results from his desire to appear the mature man he sees himself as, but the battle between his wanting to seem fully-developed and his actual immaturity ends up hurting not only himself, but others as well. Perhaps producers of the show deserve criticism, and they certainly got it when they selected Zach as this season’s bachelor; many decried Zach as boring choice, considering his underwhelming performance as a contestant on the recent season of The Bachelorette.
However, his tenure as The Bachelor has been anything but underwhelming, thanks to his early-season reluctance to deal with womens’ genuine concerns — he merely said goodbye to any women who articulated them — and his failure to realize how serious some of the women are about him — which, one might reasonably argue, is the entire point of the show.
One example of Zach’s perplexing cluelessness was his surprise when Brooklyn, seemingly a step away from the Final Four — and, yes, this Bachelor season has been the true March Madness — expressed her happiness that he was soon to meet her grandfather, who — real adult-man style — stepped up to raise Brooklyn after her own father disappeared. Of course, the Final Four in this sport of dating means the Bachelor visits the respective families of the remaining four women. Suddenly, it dawned on Zach that meeting Brooklyn’s grandfather meant that things were about to get real, so he sent her home, presumably to her grandfather.
It’s unclear why such a thought hit Zach so late in the season, or why meeting her grandfather would be a bad thing, in his mind.
Zach, who is legend in thinking for himself, still hasn’t completely realized that emotions are not exclusive to men. Shocking news, but women experience emotions also. Shallcross likely figured that since he is the bachelor on a show called The Bachelor, that the show is actually all about him. Here’s the obvious twist: It’s not. It’s about the stories and emotional lives of women, also, which Zach should seriously be happy about, because these women, many of whom are highly desirable in real life, are investing their emotions in him directly. Zach probably is grateful for this, but clearly he’s unable to see the women as much more than vehicles for whatever he desires — or doesn’t!
Yes, Zach actually did create a no-sex policy. Not a horrible idea on its face, but it was mostly executed poorly and Zach prematurely — well, let’s just say he found it hard to follow, himself.
Zach told the final three women he would not have sex with them, then had sex with one of them. Such is likely to be the case for most 26-year-old men who, like this dude, struggle with maturity. He wanted things to go a certain way, but lacked the fortitude to follow his own rules.
Standing before Zach are now his final two women and as Kaity and Gabi are both likely hoping they get chosen, it’s also highly likely that they both have doubts. Actually, it’s pretty much guaranteed considering they have expressed such doubts about this Zach snack during the most recent sex-gate episode.
What if the women had created rules similar to Zach’s? Do you really think Zach would keep them around? If any of the women so much as strayed from utter pleasantness, he ditched them immediately. Imagine if some of the women implemented a no-kissing rule, or a no-touching-me-on-my-bum rule, or even a no-sex rule? He would likely send them packing simply because they were making rules legislating his behavior, and one can practically imagine Zach’s annoyance at such rules being made without involving him in the rule-making. Shouldn’t he have a say? Yes, and so should the women.
So, perhaps Kaity and Gabi need to set their own rules and draw lines that Zach Shall-not-Cross. Maybe they should give him a taste of his own medicine, and implement such rules immediately.
Does Zach really deserve either of the two? From what we’ve seen on the show, either of the women could do better than Zach, so perhaps answering “no” to that question is not so cruel. Does he even deserve sex?! Probably not for a while after Monday night’s episode, but only because he should have to follow his own rules.
Yet, the winner of the season is already obvious. It’s neither Kaity nor Gabi. Without a doubt, the winner of Zach Shallcross’ The Bachelor season is the one that (thankfully) got away. Charity was sent home at the previous rose ceremony, finishing fourth, and left with her dignity and, well, her sanity intact. She then learned, during the “Women Tell All” episode, that she will be the next Bachelorette.
So, she avoided a Zach attack, avoided the sex-week controversy, and now gets her own season and her own opportunity to find true love? Needless to say, we give our final rose to Charity.