Many, many years ago when I was preparing for a school trip to England, I was told by the head chaperone that if an old lady wound up getting in my way at the airport, I should push her, because she is likely trying to pickpocket me.
This is not to say that I condone the mistreatment of old English ladies, but between this warning I’ve received, watching Last Night in Soho, and now this absolutely bonkers TikTok story time from one @darciewilsonn, my conclusion is that they should not be trusted in any way, shape, form, or fashion, lest you wind up in a supermarket for the world’s least-effective exorcism.
Darcie’s tale begins the way any good tale does; a train station, where this old lady in question is loudly letting the world know how miffed she is about missing her train. Darcie eventually sits next to the lady on the bench, and small talk turns into a faux revelation from the lady; she missed the train because God intended her to meet Darcie.
Unthinkably, Darcie and the lady exchange phone numbers, after which Darcie receives text after text of Bible verses and hymns and questions about why Darcie isn’t at church. This eventually escalates in Darcie being hauled to a supermarket, being held in various places by the lady, and getting subjected to scream after scream of “I REBUKE THE DEVIL! I REBUKE THE DEVIL!” in full view of gobsmacked onlookers.
Later, Darcie wound up at the lady’s house for some tea and Jesus talk, and left with a Bible. Legend has it Darcie hasn’t left her house since.
Darcie has since solemnly sworn to never speak to any stranger ever again, but the odds that she’ll run into another Jesus extremist aren’t particularly high; according to a 2019 study by the National Centre for Social Research regarding religious belief, 52 percent of the public do not regard themselves as belonging to any religion, while 66 percent report never attending religious services outside of weddings, funerals, and baptisms.
It is no great gamble to assume that said respondents were turned off by religion because of this lady; Darcie certainly doesn’t seem particularly keen on welcoming God into her heart after this particular encounter. Just as well, because the lady’s approach to religion is one that’s very clearly rooted in fear, and anyone with eyes can see that that’s no way to live.