Senator JD Vance may be on the GOP ticket for vice president, but he’s already commander and chief of awkward situations. From rumored couch intimacy to cringe doughnut-shop small talk, this guy is a walking gaffe factory.
With that in mind, @MysterySolvent2.0 shared a Vance photo on X with what appeared to be a towering steak sandwich, piled high with mayonnaise-filled coleslaw. Solvent then tempted the fates by asking: “If JD Vance were a sandwich what would come on it?”
Suffice it to say, when there’s so much in politics these days to cry about, MysterySolvent2.0’s mildly NSFW responses had us LOL’ing. Or, as one comment put it: “I should not have read that with water in my mouth.” So, read on at your own risk, and get ready for spit-takes.
‘Lindsey Graham. Twice’
We won’t explain Solvent’s play on words here, so if you don’t get the joke, go and ask your parents. Or, if you’re in the state of Florida, Ron DeSantis. In any case, Greta is up first with the perfect response to Mystery’s inquiry: “Lindsay Graham. Twice.” Likely, Greta refers to how the South Carolina senator stuck up for Vance after some in the press questioned whether Donald Trump made the right pick for vice president, as Vance continues to stick his foot in it.
Referring to Vance, in July 2024, Graham wrote on X in part: “Senator @JDVance1 has one of the most compelling stories in American politics, overcoming so much adversity in life.” — it sounds like Graham might have a little crush.
Also that month, Graham defended Vance’s 2021 “childless cat ladies” comment, referring to high-ranking Democrats on Face the Nation. “I don’t have children. But I’m going to vote for JD and Trump because I think we’ll be safer and more prosperous and more secure,” Graham said.
But in the end, Graham’s Vance support is perhaps best explained by the following comment on Graham’s pro-Vance July post: “Ole Lindsey is saving face, so he can still have access to the administration…He is A RHINO SWAMP CREATURE and I live in Charleston, SC so I know.”
‘Peter Thiel’
Next up, Nash Is Here For It suggested the next best zinger responding to Mystery Solvent’s post: Paypal co-founder, Peter Thiel. In case you forgot, Vance was once a Never-Trumper who once called the former president a “moral disaster,” a “total fraud,” and “America’s Hitler.”
For this reason, some were surprised when Trump picked Vance for the ticket, but the choice exposed Thiel’s influence, a techno-libertarian venture capitalist and entrepreneur who has supported Vance in politics, and who some say influenced Trump’s decision.
Or as Debi Jackson put it on X, “Peter Thiel is the reason JD Vance has a political career. He and Musk are going to own Trump and Vance if they are elected. Get to know their beliefs…”
‘Whatever makes sense’
And finally, Tegrity’s “Whatever makes sense” response is a callback to Vance’s Atlanta doughnut shop visit, which, for those behind the counter that day, seemed more like a hostage situation. Vance and his crew barged into the shop as if they were just regular working-class guys picking up some doughnuts for their coworkers. But when Vance was asked what he wanted, he responded, “Whatever makes sense.” From the factory floor to office workers, we all know there better be some maple bars in the mix or we’re striking.
Despite Vance’s constant blunders, another comment captured the nothing-burger that the VP candidate has been on the campaign trail when Bon Jivey added, “Just two pieces of white bread with some mayonnaise…oh, wait. JFC, that’s not mayonnaise.” The great comebacks go on from there, so if you don’t want four years of similar Vance awkwardness but on the world stage, you know how to vote this November.