Fun’s fun, but in the interest of honesty, Wisconsin GOP lawmaker and MAGA supporter Joel Kitchens didn’t outright say that his experience as a veterinarian qualified him to work in women’s health – just that it made him more qualified to make decisions on the subject than his colleagues or, by inference, women.
That news again: Like a low-level mobster whose partner just suffered a gunshot wound in a hacky Seagal Redbox movie, a member of the Wisconsin State Assembly has argued that we need a veterinarian, not a doctor, to fix things for us in our darkest hour.
You and me, baby, ain’t nothin’ but mammals, so let’s curtail human rights
At a meeting of the State Assembly on January 25, 2024, while discussing a proposed bill that would put it to the people of Wisconsin whether or not to introduce a 14-week abortion ban, Kitchens stated the following:
“If you believe that a fetus is a human life, then abortion is not health care. In my veterinary career, I did thousands of ultrasounds on animals, you know, uh, determining pregnancy and that sort of thing. So I think I know mammalian fetal development better than probably anyone here. And in my mind, there’s absolutely no question that’s a life. And I think the science backs me up on that.”
Rep. Joel Kitchens
Lots to unpack there, like the throughline connecting the often-heartbreaking nuance of human reproductive health with the – admittedly impressive – ability to rub a stick and some goo on the abdomen of a Shih-Tzoodle. There’s also the idea that understanding how one mammal does stuff makes you practically and emotionally prepared to speak for all members of the same taxonomic rank. We did that when we gave a recording contract to the first person ever to learn whale song and now we’re just stuck with Imogen Heap forever.
More than that, though, it seems important to judge Kitchens’ statement on its own terms: In veterinary care, as in all medicine, abortions are healthcare. Pregnancies aren’t always viable, and can cause fatal health complications if left unaddressed. Also, if we want to keep pushing the arithmetic that “human pregnancy = animal pregnancy,” it feels worth stating that elephants are born weighing over 200 pounds, and African tenrecs have dozens of babies at once, and chimps just straight up eat each other’s babies. Maybe mammalian reproduction is a spectrum.
Or maybe, and this is a big swing, we can stop pretending that there’s any value in spitballing homespun, folksy arguments about what’s best for the women folk based on our days birthing foals back in 4H, at least in a legislative capacity. Maybe it’s okay to let people make their own choices about their own bodies without claiming that your VHS box set of All Creatures Great and Small makes you an authority on the subject.
The measure passed, by the way. 53 to 46. It’s headed to the Senate now. Please vote this November.