How does that saying go? If your only tool is a pair of tongs, everything around you suddenly starts to look a tasty sliver of processed meat that could not be less healthy for you if it tried? Yeah, that sounds right, but what if it wasn’t just everything, but everyone too?
Worse yet, if looking like a hot dog is just your natural state of being, then being spotted by someone with a pair of tongs means you need to crank up those survival instincts if you don’t want to be served with a dollop of mustard in the near future. Such was the state of affairs for TikTok‘s @gigi_kazia135 and their delicious-looking dachshund, who appears to be living in constant terror based on how swiftly he responded to the sight of the tongs.
In this silly little five-second gag, Gigi finds themself subjected to the classic kitchen mishap of having a sausage slip between the kitchenware cracks and fall onto the floor. Gigi, ever the proponent of the five-second rule, promptly turns to pick up their helping of morning cholesterol, except it’s not a wiener in the purest sense, but a charming little wiener dog, who books it in the other direction without hesitation when Gigi starts coming at him with the pair of tongs.
Suffice to say this is one pup who, presumably, has thought very hard about why he’s so popular at barbeques. He’s a good boy, to be sure, but upon deeper reflection, he probably uncovered some truths that he didn’t want to know, but needed to know. He survived another day in the sausage-scarce corridors of Gigi’s home, after all.
The real question, though, is how he got here? What trials did his ancestors face that led to them taking the shape of a sausage, a trait that this pooch now must contend with every day of his life? According to The Wildest, dachshunds were bred specifically for hunting badgers, meaning they needed stubby feet and a narrow body (in fact, the word “dachshund,” obviously a German word, translates literally to “badger dog” in English). The upper body of dachshunds allowed them to dig and navigate tight spaces with ease, and their wide ribcages played host to large, healthy hearts and lungs that were a huge asset for their underground adventures.
Badgers to dachshunds, dachshunds to propane grills and kitchen stovetops. Nature really is beautiful.