For some, the word “apocalypse” triggers visions of shotguns, Twinkies, and possibly a souped-up station wagon with a crossbow mount in the passenger window. Nowadays, with the end times having since taken the form of 17-year Brood XIII and 13-year Brood XIX, those will quickly be replaced by a hunt for bug-spray and fly-swatters that come equipped with a “turbo” function.
But for the grandmother of TikTok‘s @preciousaangel, the only thing on her mind whilst facing down the insectoid chirps of Armageddon is “free protein,” and suffice to say that Angel’s stomach has a few original thoughts of its own, so to speak.
In the video, Angel cautiously approaches her grandmother as the seasoned chef works away at preparing some mysterious ingredients for an equally mysterious meal. Moments later, a peek into the heavyset reusable shopping bag reveals the mother of all value portions in the form of cicadas, who are quite famously out and about this year.
Indeed, between the large pile of cicadas that are already washed, the jumble of them that are in the process of it, and the aforementioned load that have yet to meet their fate, tonight’s lasagna in the Angel household is sure to give a whole new meaning to al dente.
Jokes aside, say what you will about Grandma Angel, but her culinary instincts are every bit as valid as those of us who whip up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without a second thought. According to Cleveland Clinic, so long as you don’t have a shellfish allergy, are a fully-grown adult who isn’t pregnant and who isn’t at risk for gout, and have collected them from an area that hasn’t been marred by pesticides or other toxins, cicadas are a great source of low-fat protein, and if given the right treatment in the kitchen, they can work very effectively as an ingredient in soups, baked goods, and even drinks. Moreover, the workout you’d get from catching all of them means you’ll pre-emptively burn off whatever calories you gain with relative ease.
But most importantly, a well-crafted cicada cupcake is several points against whatever section of the underworld is launching this beady-eyed campaign against us. So sharpen those intestines and start helping your grandparents in the kitchen, folks; the world may be destined to end in trumpets, but together we can prove that the world will be saved by an irreverent bake sale.