Custody proceedings are never fun at the best of times, but they can be wholly traumatic if one half of the separated couple is doing their best to ruin their ex’s life. In these cases, the other person may have to take a long hard think about what’s best for themselves and their child — even if it doesn’t necessarily look like the best thing to do at the outset.
That’s exactly what TikTok user Višnja (pronounced Vishnia) is going through right now, and she’s facing intense backlash on the app because of it. Višnja went viral on TikTok for sharing a video titled “I just gave up custody of my child.” In the caption, Višnja wrote: “Today I won, because I took my power back and I regained control over my life after 9 years of severe emotional and mental narcissistic abuse.”
“I was just in a court meeting and I told the judge ‘can you please just give this man whatever he’s asking for?'” Višnja begins her video. She goes on to explain that, although the courts wanted her and her ex-husband to split custody 50/50, he was “disregarding my existence and making my life a misery and discourage me in my attempts to be a mother to my daughter” that she has elected to simply let him have full custody.
Višnja explains that, while she has previously been an equal legal guardian of her daughter, in actual effect her ex has been calling the shots for years and all of her attempts to take a more active role in her daughter’s upbringing have been met with “verbal and emotional abuse” on a level that Višnja says she’s “never even seen in movies.” The most heartbreaking part, however, is that her ex has turned her daughter against her, making their relationship just as hostile as that with her ex.
Višnja’s experience is truly heartbreaking, but it’ll come as no surprise that many have hit back at her for allowing her husband to gain full custody. “He’s going to turn his anger towards her trust me,” reads one galling comment. “You lost ur kid end of story,” goes another heartless response. Thankfully, there are a lot more compassionate people out there as well, who had more constructive and spirit-lifting messages to send Višnja’s way.
“I know it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done. I don’t think people understand that it’s not just you that you did this for. The pain and anguish that you’ve saved your child from,” read one such comment. “You’re so smart! So brave , so strong and so wise!” shares another. “She will realize when she old enough sending lots of hugs your way,” said one more. This one particularly touched Višnja as she replied: “Thank you, luckily, the truth is much better than the lies she has been told.”
This case is certainly an unusual one, as it’s far more common for mothers to be granted full custody — fathers are only granted custody 18.3% of the time — and it sounds like the courts might actually have been on Višnja’s side if she decided to fight on. However, like she points out, as a single mother in a foreign country with limited funds and battling an emotionally abusive man, it felt right to spare her child the pain of all this for the moment. With any luck, Višnja and her daughter will reunite in a few years’ time and they can begin to heal.
“I was a kid in a situation like this,” reads the most touching and illuminating comment on the video. “It sucked, but you did the right thing. I’m closer to my Mom than ever and I haven’t heard that other person’s voice in over a decade.”